Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
