remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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