I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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