a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
