I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize