textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
