I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She bit a glass in half.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
