i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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