LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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