I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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