i need an iv and a liver transplant
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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