Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you have to choose: penises or morals?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
