we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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