just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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