remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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