So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
