All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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