You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
