Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
