$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He? As in you personified your dick?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
