he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
