i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize