HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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