areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
