I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
