I bet he comes in French.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
