Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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