my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Apparently you make a good broom.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
