I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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