Those balls look pretty dangerous.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
