I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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