I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
