every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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