the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
