Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
