Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
