he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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