i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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