Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
