he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Ladies don't puke and tell
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
