Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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