I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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