Just cropdusted the office
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
