Can i not drive my cunt home
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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