you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
