in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
