I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
