I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
