yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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