Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
