Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
did i walk over a car last night?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
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Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
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If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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