my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
