i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I AM VODKA MAN
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
