He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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