i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
