so explain again why im purple
no
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
