i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
