That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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