get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
