so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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