Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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