Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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