I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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