Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
