just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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