your parents love me but you hate me
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You can't motorboat a personality
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
