Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
