There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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