Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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