My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
