So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
