Plan B is the new Plan A
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
