Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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