I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
