I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
