Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
There's even glitter on my cock...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
