So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
