U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Less talking, more tequila
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
